“It’s been a month, and all we’ve done is make Regina’s face smell like a foot.”
Are you tired of reading those ever-present peppy little listicles that crop up all over the web proclaiming that if you simply follow these “three top-secret steps,” radiant skin is all-but-guaranteed?
Yeah, me heckin’ too.
It can be so exhausting to be a human with problem skin on the internet.
(And no, not because of the never-ending parade of mean-spirited trolls, or worse, the people who ask if you’ve “tried Proactiv,” ad nauseam. Though they are also less than pleasant.)
Years, I tell you. Years of exposure to these cheery, sycophantic, optimistic “quick tips” that don’t work.
I don’t know why I keep clicking on them. I really don’t. But I keep clicking. Hoping, praying, sending my best intentions out into the ever-unanswering universe — that this…no, this next list of Just Seven Sneaky Ways to Get Spotless Skin Now (Dermatologists HATE Her!) will be the one that solves all of my complexion problems forever.
This arrangement of ingredients of questionable efficacy is more artfully curated than my entire life.
It’s the letdown. The hope, then the letdown. That’s the maddening bit.
“Oh, let me just try this. It’ll be fun.” Twenty minutes later and my entire bathroom and kitchen are stained a cheerful yellow from my ill-fated attempt at concocting a DIY Tumeric mask. My mood stormy — my countertops and fingertips the frustratingly upbeat color of sunshine.
So, friend. Do not fret. I understand. We are in this together.
I am here to bring you three real, true DIY Skin Care Tips that will not completely and utterly decimate any remaining desire that you may have to so much as possess face-skin.
I must warn you. These are very boring.
1. Sleep.
2. Drink water and take vitamins.
3. Wash with a gentle cleanser and use a simple moisturizer.
That’s it.
More detail, you say? Product recommendations, you say?
All right, but be warned — these are advanced techniques. Try them at your own risk. Those three above were the only ones good for that headline-guarantee of not being completely horrible. These? Can’t make any promises. Everyone’s skin is different, so I can only tell you what has worked well for me, dear reader.
1. Simple Skincare’s Foaming Facial Cleanser
This is a fantastic product. It’s less than ten bucks at any drugstore. I use it as both a makeup remover and a cleanser — as they say in the old shampoo commercials: simply lather, rinse, and repeat. (And repeat and repeat, if it happens to be stage makeup.) It’s not true soap: something you should avoid using on your skin if it’s sensitive.
I honestly don’t know exactly how that works; for all I know, they have microscopic foaming fairies stuffed in the bottle that scrub your skin by hand, er, wand. I have no idea. All I know is that you shouldn’t put actual soap on your skin if you’re prone to breakouts; you’re liable to irritate it. This stuff is gentle and it does work, however mysteriously.
2. Vegetable Glycerin
I love this stuff. Also inexpensive at drugstores. After I wash and dry off my face using a fresh towel, I’ll spread a drop or two of glycerin between my palms and gently pat it over my face, still slightly damp. It locks in moisture and it’s cheap as heck. If you’re feeling fancy, you can add a drop to whatever serum you might be using, and it’ll boost the moisturizing power.
Caution: do not go overboard. Can make your face sticky. Not fun. One drop, two tops. Consider diluting with water.
3. Vitamin A and Vitamin D
Your skin uses these as part of the building blocks for healthy tissue. Give your face a hand (har, har), and take them both as a daily supplement.
Helpful and very important hint: as with the glycerin, do not go overboard. More is not better.
Vitamins A and D are both fat-soluble, so that does mean that it is theoretically possible to overdose on them. (Unlike vitamins B and C, which dissolve in water, your body has a harder time getting rid of the excess if you take too much of any fat-soluble vitamin.) One each a day for an adult is okay, but talk with your doctor beforehand if you’re at all concerned.
Are there other DIY skin care tips and tricks out there that aren’t completely horrible?
I mean, yeah. There are. Of course.
It depends, though, on your skill at getting crafty. (And your level of patience with yourself, as you build that skill.)
It also depends on your skin. Everybody, every body is different.
Keep experimenting, keep trying out the cute Pinterest ideas that you find. But while you do, consider using some of my tips as well, to give your skin a solid foundation for the next time a late-night DIY sesh doesn’t end as gracefully as you’d envisioned.